Fast Alice Glass

Fast Alice Glass

Monday, May 18, 2009

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGggggghhhh!!

So just when it seems I finally have time to blog again, I get sideswiped!!!  But the news is good!

First:  I was actually hired to teach yoga!!! Yaaaay!  So I will be working HERE and teaching weekly.  I will hopefully know by the end of the week the day and time of the class.  When I do I cordially invite anyone who can make it to be my guest.  Just email me first, as I can only have one guest per day.  The facilities are beautiful and they have an amazing pool as well if you care for yoga and a swim.

Second:  I booked an Under 5 line part on "All My Children."  Okay... to those that know me. I do these pretty often so its not a huge deal.  But it has made my schedule all wonky since I have to make time to shoot.  I will update you with an air date when I have one if anyone cares to watch the real life hotel waitress basically play one on TV.

Third:  The reading I performed in at TBG was last night.  So I basically haven't slept since Wednesday and probably wont have a chance to sleep again until next Wednesday... sigh

Okay if you were just interested in an update and you really don't feel like listening to a disgruntled waitress rant.... please feel free to stop reading NOW.

Just some things that annoy the shit out of a waitress..... 

Don't Touch the Signs!!! If you see a reserved sign on a table don't touch it.... Please.  I am constantly baffled by the ass clowns that come to my job and take the signs off the table.  
OK.   If you take the sign off the table. Surprise Surprise... it is STILL reserved.  But now I have to go through the process of pointing out the fact that you have stolen my sign... I need it back .... yes the table is still reserved.. and you are an asshole.  My personal favorite is when I see people move/hide my sign and then LIE to me that they haven't seen it... For REAL.. are you people five.  Please save me the embarrassment of having to catch you red handed and pull the sign out of your purse... I ACTUALLY did that once..  Also, how do you think that's not stealing. I wouldn't walk into your office, take a stapler off your desk and put it in my purse.


More important:
Don't Touch ME!  If you don't know me, personally, as a VERY close friend, Do Not touch me. It's just weired.  I am amazed and disgusted at the amount of men who feel free to put there hands all over me while I'm working. I can't tell you how many times some dude leans in and give me a "Where's the bathroom, babe" and puts his greasy meat head hands all around my waste and sometime even on or approaching my ass. I usually respond by removing their hand with disdain and give it back to them.  Not to use the office example twice... but can you imagine someone doing this to a women in a business suit... at a meeting???  I think not.

Also, the kissing on the cheek thing. PLEASE don't kiss me on either cheek to say thanks for every Goddamn gin and tonic I bring you. I'm not french... chances are you aren't either. it doesn't make you look more cultured it just makes you look stupid. 

In addition please feel free to can the baby, honey/ your so beautiful lines.  Seriously, I don't mean to be a bitch but I know I'm a cute girl.... and I certainly don't think that makes me better than anyone.  It's genetics people.  I'm not impressed when you pick up on the first thing you notice about me and try to ingratiate yourself.  There is only one man who's opinion on this subject counts... and he thinks I'm beautiful with a fever and my head in a toilet.. So THERE!

I know I have covered a variety of these topics already... but I figured a little review never hurts. I now relinquish my soap box and encourage anyone else who would like to comment to jump right on.

xoxo
Fast Alice


Sunday, May 10, 2009

OMG... So Glad this was on her way to Oscar Glory!!

Question: Have you ever seen THIS movie??? If you don't know, I am somewhat of an HBO/Showtime on Demand nut.. I'll watch them all: bad series, good series, crazy movies of the past, classics and my favorite... ALL time favorite is Cheesy horror flicks.. It was because of this I stumbled upon this gem... "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation." See the trailer HERE.
Amazingly enough the cast includes...

Matthew McConaughey as Vilmer... (OK.. imagine the king of the RomCom playing a sadistic super killer.... Hilarious)

Renee Zelwiger as Jenny... (former scream queen turned Oscar winner... hmmm.. so glad this was part of her rise to greatness. It gives all us actors who have appeared in terrible films hope)

Robert Jacks as Leather face (apparently his career culminated in this movie.. surprise surprise)

Tyler Cone as Barry (Tyler actually is a ringer for the love child of my Ex and his best friend (also male btw). So I actually didn't feel too bad when leather face donned an axe and put him out of his bad acting misery) Tyler's career ended with the ever popular.... "A Trolls Bridge." Any one see this one???......... Beuler??

All this aside... this movie was a great... GREAT laugh. Check it out if you want to waste 90 minutes of your life...


xoxo
Fast Alice

As a disclaimer.. I would add I totally DO respect these actors for giving a terrible film their all... It is the writers and producers who should be whipped for this shameful piece of cinema.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Auction Photos!!!... and some random food pix

As promised here are photos from The Barrow Groups 15th Annual Celebrity Doodles Auction and Gala. It really was a fun time. I really regret not inviting more of my friends to it. Also, the space, Studio 420, was really beautiful. Perfect spot for any event.. even a wedding.


The registration table..

Some of the Doodles.. It was really hard to take visible pictures because it was soooooo bright..


The Live Auction items.. including Doodles from Glenn Close and Al Pacino.
Other items.. a scarf hand woven and embroidered listed at a $3000 value and a 5 night stay at Atlantis...


My dessert for the Apprentice bake-off.. Chocolate covered strawberries with tuxedos and TBG logo.. at this point I hadn't discovered the micros function on my new camera (sorry for the glare)



Fast Alice and Harmony




Introducing... Dun..Dun.. Dun.. Big Daddy
This is a little overdue, as he has been my partner in crime for most of the past year.
Love, Love, Love this Man!


Fast Alice and Big D.







Daddy won this for Alice at the silent auction... :)
Again, Next year I will get more info out to you peeps regarding this event. I can't tell you what a great time it was. Also, all the proceeds go to The Barrow Group which is a not for profit organization and produces GREAT theater.
And NOW random food Pictures!!


Amazing mussels.. made by the fab Sainttigerlily! In fact I must credit her with all these food pictures... we have always enjoyed cooking together and these mussle pix inspired me to start taking more of the fruits of my kitchen....



French Onion soup. This is hands down the most delicious meal I have ever created.. again, thanks to Sainttigerlily for the recipe. (Hey girlie toss me the link to that online so I can put it here). However, I did substitute, IPA beer for the port wine, and boiled some stock bones in the broth to make it a little more rich.


Simple but amazing. Steak made to perfection by Big D and a loaded baked potato made by moi. I got thinly sliced pancetta and fried it off to use as the bacon crumbles... AMAZING. I will never use regular bacon for this purpose again. Also, you can tell I finally figured out the micros function!!! So this picture is more than a blurry mess...
I'll be back soon..
xoxo
Fast Alice


















Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Cinco de Mayo... or whatever it is

It occurred to me that two May 5ths ago I was having a lovely party on a sun-filled deck with my new roomie Sainttigerlily.  Sigh.... the rain today makes me long for a time machine... even if it just took me back to last Saturday and the awesome deck/planting party.  But I have to admit.. the rain is just about the only thing I would change in my life right now... everything else is going swimmingly

Please forgive the lack of bloggage.  As I mentioned a post or two ago.. ie. in January, I have been one very busy lady.  Forgive me again for disappearing "down the rabbit hole," so to speak. Now that some of my responsibilities in the auction department are over, I intend to blog like I mean it!!! 

 Let me give you the latest run down in the world of Fast Alice.....

1. Yoga: I finished my 200 hour certification at Yoga Sutra in Feb.  So I am now a certified yoga teacher!!! Yay.  I have been hired to sub at the Manhattan Plaza Health Club, which is BEAutiful. I am also willing to give my friends or interested parties a serious discount for private sessions... please email me to book some time.

2. Acting:  I am still apprenticing with The Barrow Group. Much of my time in the last three months had been dedicated to working on the Celebrity Doodles Auction which was last evening.  I was assigned the job of Doodle Master, ie. the Queen of cultivating celebrities to donate their artistic abilities and decorate an 5x7 piece of paper which we in turn auction to the highest bidder. The auction itself was a blast. I (along with the help of my fellow apprentichi) were able to get 37 celebrities, including Glenn Close, Steve Martin, Al Pacino, John Travolta and the like to participate.  I'm still waiting to hear how much the gala raised overall. Hopefully, it was a great success. 

I will be performing at The Barrow Group in a reading of "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot" by Stephen Adly Guirgis. I am performing the role of Satan.  To those that know me... this will come as no surprise. The reading will take place:

Sunday May 17th at 7pm at:
The Barrow Group
312 W 36th St. 3rd Fl
New York, NY 10018

It is free and open to the pubic as part of our in class reading series. 

I will also be performing with the Amoralists theater company in their next "Zeitgeist" performance. I'll post details when I have them. Please check out the Amoralists website as they are producing a really funny show right now at PS122.

I just recently updated my Carleigh's Space blog with headshots, resume, reel etc.  I am currently looking for Commercial representation and a new Modeling agency for print. I'll keep you posted on the search.  I have a secret strategy in place to make millions... MuuuahAHAHAh... if it works you'll be the first to know.

3. Singing:  Okay... we all know I haven't been doing much singing these last few ....achhemmmm... years.  But that is going to change... Mark my words.  I am going to organize a concert in the next few months.  Ideally of art songs and some arias.  If you play the piano classically and want to accompany for free... Let Me know!!!! Or if you have a church with a great acoustic space, I will happily donate my time and any money raised can go to a charity of their choice.

4. The Fast Alice Glass and Lady C show:  Here is the rundown.. my computer is crazy low on disc space which has put a serious glitch in show production.  Also, the lack of free time has been a factor.  Good news though!! We have an awesome theme song which I can't wait to use and as soon as I free up some Gigs I WILL have a new episode for you!


That pretty much sums it up!! Let me know if I forgot anything.  I will post some pix from the auction asap. 

xoxo
Fast Alice






Sunday, May 3, 2009

TBG Doodle Auction

Don’t miss The 15th Annual Celebrity TBG Doodles Auction on Monday, May 4th, 2009!
This lively annual fundraising event auctions celebrity drawings, theatre tickets, and other merchandise to raise funds for our educational programming and our critically acclaimed Main Stage and Studio Theatre Productions. In addition to the auction, each year TBG honors theatre professionals for their excellence in theatre.
This year TBG is honoring former TBG Board President Jeff Dine and Tony Award Winners Judith Ivey and Nathan Lane!
Past honorees include actors Ann Reinking, Anne Hathaway, Denis O’Hare, Allen Coulter, (Director Hollywoodland) and Frank Carucci.
Location: Studio 450 at 450 W. 31st Street in midtown Manhattan - 6:30pm - 10:30pm

Hope you can make it!! I am currently an apprentice at The Barrow Group and this is a great event and all proceeds go to support the theater group and school.

xoxo
Fast Alice