Back from the Dead!

Okay.. I'm officially the worst blogger in history.  I know.. I know..  If it is any consolation I was moving/studying/finding a new job. Not really an excuse for massively neglecting my readers, not to mention my friends.  But hopefully new posts and dinner parties at my new place will let me creep back into your hearts.

So.. the move.  Big D and I finally moved into our beautiful new apartment.  It is a huge two bedroom with more light than I have seen in ages.  We also have an amazing private deck which will host many a BBQ to come.  All this... located in the heart of Astoria.. Land of amazing Greek food (OMG I just had a weird Price is Right moment.. I almost ended that sentence with " AND A NEW CAR!!!!")

 I pretty much have spent every spare moment since we got here in the kitchen cooking.  It just feels so good to actually have all the equipment I need to make a meal.  My kitchen bliss is also allowing me to overlook the fact that we still have no chairs for our kitchen table, there is about 1/2 a truck load of stuff in the hall for goodwill, my closet has been taken over by rogue battalion of shoes and I can't find a Goddamn European pillow to save my life.  But who gives a shit.. I'm making Zuppa Toscana. 

The move itself was relatively painless.  With the exception that our staircase is almost impossible to navigate with furniture.  Our bed frame and box spring had to be lifted over the third floor balcony with ropes.. ehhhhhh.. My teeth are grinding just thinking of it. Our biggest concern were the couches my Father was nice enough to give us.  But by some miracle, the sky parted and God smiled down and said "my children this couch was made by me and can be broken into teeny tiny pieces, so none of you will have to risk death or property damage."  And A-Fricken-Men for that, I don't think my blood pressure could have taken another trip over the balcony.

So now I'm sitting comfy cozy in my almost unpacked house.. a very happy housefrau.  Life is grand.  I will upload pictures as soon as I figure out how the get them onto this MacContraption from my PC.

xoxo

Fast Alice

PS.  sometime for fun I am going to post a blog that is un-spellchecked.. I'm sure it would be entertaining for all.  I always get a good giggle at how wrong I am... sheesh

Look Ma... I'm blogging!!

Can you believe it!! I have a minute to blog... Yaaaaaaay! That said, I don't have much to talk about. Hmmmm... ok. I'll find something.

1. I got my study books in the mail for my ACSM test. (American College of Sports Medicine, personal trainer exam) For those of you that know, I spent six months studying anatomy for yoga so initially I felt like this test would be a breeze. I opened the books and everything I already know... was in the first chapter. And the other 13 chapters are what look like hieroglyphics and strange mathematical equations. Thank God I'm a smart cookie, otherwise I don't think I would have had the courage to swallow back the puke in my mouth and try to actually learn the stuff. Also, Big Daddy is taking the test with me so at least I have the worlds best study buddy.

2. For some reason sound travels really strangely in my building. The rooms are pretty much sound proof within the apartment itself..... yay for us considering we have like 6 of us living here right now. However, we can hear every minute of the wild Mexican fiestas from next door and every scream from my upstairs neighbors who apparently watch nothing but Jurassic Park over and over. I actually looked over at the glass of water near my bed and saw the sound ripples. Worse yet if it isn't the T-Rex clomping upstairs they have on televangelist music that has the same 5 reverberating chords in the base line for every song..... obviously my favorite thing to wake me up at 10am when I got home from work at 4.

3. Funniest thing ever: One of the new girls at work came up to my manager and asked.."Hey this guy ordered a bottle of champagne and asked where he could throw up in the same sentence... should I serve him?" The really funny part is the manager said YES!!

4. Verizon is experiencing a national outage for some of their pda services... so I can't send texts. Super!

5. The Amoralist theater company's show, "The Pied Pipers of the Lower East Side" opens this evening. The next post will be an add for them.

6. I am missing my friends more than ever... Tigerlily and Boss!! I miiiiisss you. I was on a really good clip where I was socializing almost every other week with you cool kids. This is always the crappy part of the summer where they have us work too much until they get the hang of the way the season rolls. Hopefully, by then you will still want to be friends with me.... Whaaaaa!

That's pretty much it kids.. I'll be back when the universe gives me a few more seconds of free time.

xoxo
Fast Alice

Survival mode

Soooo.... I tried to put up a post from my blackberry. Uhhh.. THAT was a failure, Lol. It resulted in a post that was entirely blank. Classy.

As says the title that is currently the mode I'm in. I'm working too much too often and pretty much want to kill myself. As you may have guessed from my last post. My job is the last place on the planet I want to spend any amount of time and I have been stuck there 40+ hours a week. The only thing that has been keeping me from jumping off the rooftop is the fact I now have an exit strategy. I have books coming in the mail to help me study for the American College of Sports Medicine Cpt exam. The minute I get them I'm going to devour them.... just to be doing something active to get myself into a better work environment will feel amazing. I'm so sick of having anxiety before every shift. I also can't wait to resume my life.... see my friends especially and perhaps have an actual weekend off!!

Today was amazingly one of my lighter days schedule wise... after my work study shift at TBG. I helped Big Daddy and the Amoralists set up for their show at PS122. More to come on the performance. While there I was introduced to a couple of YouTube gems I thought I would pass on.

1. The Literal Video of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Hilarity... the lyrics are what is going on in the video. This reminds me fondly of karaoke.. sigh... November

2. Dimitri the Stud. Let me just say that this man is KING of the douchebags and I'm sure he holds court at the Ganz. If I haven't served this man I drink I would be shocked.

Enjoy!
xoxo
Fast Alice

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGggggghhhh!!

So just when it seems I finally have time to blog again, I get sideswiped!!!  But the news is good!

First:  I was actually hired to teach yoga!!! Yaaaay!  So I will be working HERE and teaching weekly.  I will hopefully know by the end of the week the day and time of the class.  When I do I cordially invite anyone who can make it to be my guest.  Just email me first, as I can only have one guest per day.  The facilities are beautiful and they have an amazing pool as well if you care for yoga and a swim.

Second:  I booked an Under 5 line part on "All My Children."  Okay... to those that know me. I do these pretty often so its not a huge deal.  But it has made my schedule all wonky since I have to make time to shoot.  I will update you with an air date when I have one if anyone cares to watch the real life hotel waitress basically play one on TV.

Third:  The reading I performed in at TBG was last night.  So I basically haven't slept since Wednesday and probably wont have a chance to sleep again until next Wednesday... sigh

Okay if you were just interested in an update and you really don't feel like listening to a disgruntled waitress rant.... please feel free to stop reading NOW.

Just some things that annoy the shit out of a waitress..... 

Don't Touch the Signs!!! If you see a reserved sign on a table don't touch it.... Please.  I am constantly baffled by the ass clowns that come to my job and take the signs off the table.  

OK.   If you take the sign off the table. Surprise Surprise... it is STILL reserved.  But now I have to go through the process of pointing out the fact that you have stolen my sign... I need it back .... yes the table is still reserved.. and you are an asshole.  My personal favorite is when I see people move/hide my sign and then LIE to me that they haven't seen it... For REAL.. are you people five.  Please save me the embarrassment of having to catch you red handed and pull the sign out of your purse... I ACTUALLY did that once..  Also, how do you think that's not stealing. I wouldn't walk into your office, take a stapler off your desk and put it in my purse.

More important:

Don't Touch ME!  If you don't know me, personally, as a VERY close friend, Do Not touch me. It's just weired.  I am amazed and disgusted at the amount of men who feel free to put there hands all over me while I'm working. I can't tell you how many times some dude leans in and give me a "Where's the bathroom, babe" and puts his greasy meat head hands all around my waste and sometime even on or approaching my ass. I usually respond by removing their hand with disdain and give it back to them.  Not to use the office example twice... but can you imagine someone doing this to a women in a business suit... at a meeting???  I think not.

Also, the kissing on the cheek thing. PLEASE don't kiss me on either cheek to say thanks for every Goddamn gin and tonic I bring you. I'm not french... chances are you aren't either. it doesn't make you look more cultured it just makes you look stupid. 

In addition please feel free to can the baby, honey/ your so beautiful lines.  Seriously, I don't mean to be a bitch but I know I'm a cute girl.... and I certainly don't think that makes me better than anyone.  It's genetics people.  I'm not impressed when you pick up on the first thing you notice about me and try to ingratiate yourself.  There is only one man who's opinion on this subject counts... and he thinks I'm beautiful with a fever and my head in a toilet.. So THERE!

I know I have covered a variety of these topics already... but I figured a little review never hurts. I now relinquish my soap box and encourage anyone else who would like to comment to jump right on.

xoxo

Fast Alice

OMG... So Glad this was on her way to Oscar Glory!!

Question: Have you ever seen THIS movie??? If you don't know, I am somewhat of an HBO/Showtime on Demand nut.. I'll watch them all: bad series, good series, crazy movies of the past, classics and my favorite... ALL time favorite is Cheesy horror flicks.. It was because of this I stumbled upon this gem... "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation." See the trailer HERE.
Amazingly enough the cast includes...

Matthew McConaughey as Vilmer... (OK.. imagine the king of the RomCom playing a sadistic super killer.... Hilarious)

Renee Zelwiger as Jenny... (former scream queen turned Oscar winner... hmmm.. so glad this was part of her rise to greatness. It gives all us actors who have appeared in terrible films hope)

Robert Jacks as Leather face (apparently his career culminated in this movie.. surprise surprise)

Tyler Cone as Barry (Tyler actually is a ringer for the love child of my Ex and his best friend (also male btw). So I actually didn't feel too bad when leather face donned an axe and put him out of his bad acting misery) Tyler's career ended with the ever popular.... "A Trolls Bridge." Any one see this one???......... Beuler??

All this aside... this movie was a great... GREAT laugh. Check it out if you want to waste 90 minutes of your life...


xoxo
Fast Alice

As a disclaimer.. I would add I totally DO respect these actors for giving a terrible film their all... It is the writers and producers who should be whipped for this shameful piece of cinema.

Auction Photos!!!... and some random food pix

As promised here are photos from The Barrow Groups 15th Annual Celebrity Doodles Auction and Gala. It really was a fun time. I really regret not inviting more of my friends to it. Also, the space, Studio 420, was really beautiful. Perfect spot for any event.. even a wedding.

The registration table..

Some of the Doodles.. It was really hard to take visible pictures because it was soooooo bright..

The Live Auction items.. including Doodles from Glenn Close and Al Pacino.

Other items.. a scarf hand woven and embroidered listed at a $3000 value and a 5 night stay at Atlantis...

My dessert for the Apprentice bake-off.. Chocolate covered strawberries with tuxedos and TBG logo.. at this point I hadn't discovered the micros function on my new camera (sorry for the glare)

Fast Alice and Harmony

Introducing... Dun..Dun.. Dun.. Big Daddy

This is a little overdue, as he has been my partner in crime for most of the past year.

Love, Love, Love this Man!

Fast Alice and Big D.

Daddy won this for Alice at the silent auction... :)

Again, Next year I will get more info out to you peeps regarding this event. I can't tell you what a great time it was. Also, all the proceeds go to The Barrow Group which is a not for profit organization and produces GREAT theater.

And NOW random food Pictures!!

Amazing mussels.. made by the fab Sainttigerlily! In fact I must credit her with all these food pictures... we have always enjoyed cooking together and these mussle pix inspired me to start taking more of the fruits of my kitchen....

French Onion soup. This is hands down the most delicious meal I have ever created.. again, thanks to Sainttigerlily for the recipe. (Hey girlie toss me the link to that online so I can put it here). However, I did substitute, IPA beer for the port wine, and boiled some stock bones in the broth to make it a little more rich.

Simple but amazing. Steak made to perfection by Big D and a loaded baked potato made by moi. I got thinly sliced pancetta and fried it off to use as the bacon crumbles... AMAZING. I will never use regular bacon for this purpose again. Also, you can tell I finally figured out the micros function!!! So this picture is more than a blurry mess...

I'll be back soon..

xoxo

Fast Alice

Cinco de Mayo... or whatever it is

It occurred to me that two May 5ths ago I was having a lovely party on a sun-filled deck with my new roomie Sainttigerlily.  Sigh.... the rain today makes me long for a time machine... even if it just took me back to last Saturday and the awesome deck/planting party.  But I have to admit.. the rain is just about the only thing I would change in my life right now... everything else is going swimmingly

Please forgive the lack of bloggage.  As I mentioned a post or two ago.. ie. in January, I have been one very busy lady.  Forgive me again for disappearing "down the rabbit hole," so to speak. Now that some of my responsibilities in the auction department are over, I intend to blog like I mean it!!! 

 Let me give you the latest run down in the world of Fast Alice.....

1. Yoga: I finished my 200 hour certification at Yoga Sutra in Feb.  So I am now a certified yoga teacher!!! Yay.  I have been hired to sub at the Manhattan Plaza Health Club, which is BEAutiful. I am also willing to give my friends or interested parties a serious discount for private sessions... please email me to book some time.

2. Acting:  I am still apprenticing with The Barrow Group. Much of my time in the last three months had been dedicated to working on the Celebrity Doodles Auction which was last evening.  I was assigned the job of Doodle Master, ie. the Queen of cultivating celebrities to donate their artistic abilities and decorate an 5x7 piece of paper which we in turn auction to the highest bidder. The auction itself was a blast. I (along with the help of my fellow apprentichi) were able to get 37 celebrities, including Glenn Close, Steve Martin, Al Pacino, John Travolta and the like to participate.  I'm still waiting to hear how much the gala raised overall. Hopefully, it was a great success. 

I will be performing at The Barrow Group in a reading of "The Last Days of Judas Iscariot" by Stephen Adly Guirgis. I am performing the role of Satan.  To those that know me... this will come as no surprise. The reading will take place:

Sunday May 17th at 7pm at:

The Barrow Group

312 W 36th St. 3rd Fl

New York, NY 10018

It is free and open to the pubic as part of our in class reading series. 

I will also be performing with the Amoralists theater company in their next "Zeitgeist" performance. I'll post details when I have them. Please check out the Amoralists website as they are producing a really funny show right now at PS122.

I just recently updated my Carleigh's Space blog with headshots, resume, reel etc.  I am currently looking for Commercial representation and a new Modeling agency for print. I'll keep you posted on the search.  I have a secret strategy in place to make millions... MuuuahAHAHAh... if it works you'll be the first to know.

3. Singing:  Okay... we all know I haven't been doing much singing these last few ....achhemmmm... years.  But that is going to change... Mark my words.  I am going to organize a concert in the next few months.  Ideally of art songs and some arias.  If you play the piano classically and want to accompany for free... Let Me know!!!! Or if you have a church with a great acoustic space, I will happily donate my time and any money raised can go to a charity of their choice.

4. The Fast Alice Glass and Lady C show:  Here is the rundown.. my computer is crazy low on disc space which has put a serious glitch in show production.  Also, the lack of free time has been a factor.  Good news though!! We have an awesome theme song which I can't wait to use and as soon as I free up some Gigs I WILL have a new episode for you!

That pretty much sums it up!! Let me know if I forgot anything.  I will post some pix from the auction asap. 

xoxo

Fast Alice

TBG Doodle Auction

Don’t miss The 15th Annual Celebrity TBG Doodles Auction on Monday, May 4th, 2009!
This lively annual fundraising event auctions celebrity drawings, theatre tickets, and other merchandise to raise funds for our educational programming and our critically acclaimed Main Stage and Studio Theatre Productions. In addition to the auction, each year TBG honors theatre professionals for their excellence in theatre.
This year TBG is honoring former TBG Board President Jeff Dine and Tony Award Winners Judith Ivey and Nathan Lane!
Past honorees include actors Ann Reinking, Anne Hathaway, Denis O’Hare, Allen Coulter, (Director Hollywoodland) and Frank Carucci.
Location: Studio 450 at 450 W. 31st Street in midtown Manhattan - 6:30pm - 10:30pm

Hope you can make it!! I am currently an apprentice at The Barrow Group and this is a great event and all proceeds go to support the theater group and school.

xoxo
Fast Alice